Sadly these are not the movies included in the $140 Ultimate Blu-Ray Collection of Star Wars Related Items which was released muricuh yesterday (by the way, don’t you live here?  Why the hell did this stuff get released in Europe first?  I’m getting tired of this crap, aren’t we supposed to be the last remaining superpower?  Can’t we use that standing to do something worthwhile like getting the cool stuff first?) Anyway, moving on.  I want to see the movies where Han shot first, James Earl Jones did not phone in one line of laughably bad dialog and the Ewoks stare with cold, dead, unblinking eyes.

I want to see the work of young, hungry, broke-ass George Lucas (Star Wars)  not the movie that old, rich George Lucas wishes that young, hungry, broke-ass George Lucas had made (A New Hope).  However, you’re not giving me that choice.  The idea of “original and directors cuts” which can seamlessly coexist on one disc seems to escape the abilities of a guy who made an entire galaxy in a computer. At $150 give or take after taxes and/or shipping what I’m saying is, I’m not giving you $50  to watch a parody of films I grew up on (also, did you know that when they show them on TV now they remove the incest?  What’s up with that?  OK, kissing your twin sister is gross, but if you’re 19 and you didn’t know she was your sister and you were about to die and she was hot…I mean it’s still gross, if you wanted to add anything to those movies it should have been the scene in The Empire Strikes Back where Luke tries to wash the memory of MAKING OUT WITH HIS TWIN SISTER out of his brain. Twice.).

Anyway, my momma has the original, unmolested trilogy on VHS.  Thanks the the magic of DVD recorders and RCA cables I will be digitizing those and watching the real Star Wars shortly.  This saves me the money I’d have given you and gives me the money to buy a new (to me, if not to the world) lens.

Over forty hours of bonus footage, OK that’s awesome.  That’s easily worth $50 and I would pay $50 for it.  But I can’t, so I will buy new Pumas instead. Look, I like Pumas.  I actually also like Star Wars and I’m a geek who loves behind the scenes stuff so, so, so much.  However…

George, I refuse to give you another $50 for what appears to be a Star Wars related fan-fiction story with high production values where Darth Vader is re-cast as an emo teenager who’s in love with a cougar.  While the original films have their flaws (oh Lord do they have their flaws) these seem to have been written by some fat guy holed up alone in the dark in front of a lap top with no editor or at least a proof reader.

…

Moving on

What I’m saying is that, I can buy an upgrade to my favorite photo editing suite for the money you’re trying to get for three movies that are at best boring and at worst offensive and boring and horrible.  They’re horrible either way, by the way.

So, George, I thank you I only have so much money and you’ve given me the option of spending it somewhere else.  You, my friend, are awesome.

Sincerely,

George

Also, buy Volbeat’s Guitar Gangsters and Cadillac Blood.  It’s better than whatever crap you’re listening to right now.

Let me assure you, it is not.

This will be another of a bajillion poorly conceived and edited web videos which will be seen by ones of people all over my house. However, I am full of neurosis and also the owner of one of the best domain names on the planet so, since I’ve been told by people who are both pro and against my new titties on Monday format that I should write more and writing about the creative process seems to be more interesting than telling you about the joys of my super exciting job of sitting in front of a computer, FTP’ing things all day and troubleshooting config files.

Also, seriously, I over think stuff. Which brings us back to the Steven Nowak 39th Birthday Riding Film Extravaganza (and Steve, Seriously, You Should Come With Us to Masago Steakhouse and Thai. A Guy With This Body Knows Food). I’ve been reviewing clips trying to find some narrative thread, where there is none.

——-SNIP——-

So, I wrote that a few months ago, shortly afterwards (like the next day) Mojo died and I kind of lost the plot on the whole Steve Nowak 39th Birthday Video Extravaganza (And Mandy, Don’t Let Indy Ride His Bike in Sandles).  But after some time spent feeling like ass, and then some time spent at work trying to launch a brand new website featuring technology none of us had used before and then some time on vacation after doing that I’m back, and I may have found a song.

I could barely finish writing that sentence.

Actually, I grabbed a Nook Color and rooted it and had a fine old time until I found out that Cyanogenmod doesn’t support the default Nook Reader program and you have to use the good, but not as good Nook Android app, so my rooted Nook is kind of stuck in rooted nook limbo for the time being.  HOWEVER, in what has got to be the greatest act of prostitution ever, HP spent almost two billion dollars for Palm and then screwed them vigorously.  So, I ended up with one of these for $150 + shipping.

My Expensive Ass Cheap Tablet

Well, now that I have a relatively powerful tablet, with a relatively robust (and much cleaner) OS I guess the thing to do now is to see if I can actually use it to replace my laptop (which I will refer to as “The Beast” as it weighs in at 1.5 metric tonnes of high end gaming goodness) for all but serious photo and video editing duties. First thing’s first, though, impressions.

I’m not sure who at HP decided that it would be a good idea to build a laptop out of Teflon and finger prints, but that’s exactly what they did with the TouchPad.  It’s back is covered in some super high glossy finish that has almost had me drop it multiple times.  A case is on its way, it cannot get here soon enough.

One of the many ways that HP screwed Palm (including doggie style and reverse cowgirl, natch) is that they promised that the wouldn’t ship the TouchPad until it was ready.  They shipped it about two months before the  ready for primetime OS  was ready, then killed it 48 days later.  Which is to say, the first thing any TouchPad owner should do is go and update the OS, the new version is by all accounts more stable and responsive than the shipping version.  I wouldn’t know, I only used the default OS to upgrade to the new one.

Once I got that done I started with the process of trying to do some basic things with the touch pad like syncing my phone and MP3 player.

Wait, you can’t do that?

At all?

Well. Crap.