Mystic Negro dot Com

So, over a decade ago Bill Gates refused to have a PDA, which Microsoft produced, because he claimed that tablets were the future and he wanted to dedicated MS to figuring out the tablet paradigm a year or so ago Steve Jobs invented the tablet out of whole cloth, creating something that no one had ever seen or thought of before, as is his way.  Steve proclaimed that tablets will replace the traditional laptops the way that cars replaced trucks.  Back in the day, you see, you used to see a lot of trucks but now you don’t see so many (This is, of course, pure, unfettered bullshit, the Ford F-Series has been the most popular passenger vehicle in America your entire life, selling 528,349 copies in 2010 an increase of 27.7% from ’09 the best selling car, the Toyota Camry, sold 327,804 copies a loss of 8.1% from the previous year which puts it in the number three vehicle spot.  The number two vehicle was the Chevy Silverado at 370,135 vehicles, an increase of 16.9%, which apparently outsold the F-Series when you lump together all of its platform mates.) Being charmed by Jobs’ earnest and truthful analysis of world events I ran out and bought an iPad.

I could barely finish writing that sentence.

Actually, I grabbed a Nook Color and rooted it and had a fine old time until I found out that Cyanogenmod doesn’t support the default Nook Reader program and you have to use the good, but not as good Nook Android app, so my rooted Nook is kind of stuck in rooted nook limbo for the time being.  HOWEVER, in what has got to be the greatest act of prostitution ever, HP spent almost two billion dollars for Palm and then screwed them vigorously.  So, I ended up with one of these for $150 + shipping.

My Expensive Ass Cheap Tablet

Well, now that I have a relatively powerful tablet, with a relatively robust (and much cleaner) OS I guess the thing to do now is to see if I can actually use it to replace my laptop (which I will refer to as “The Beast” as it weighs in at 1.5 metric tonnes of high end gaming goodness) for all but serious photo and video editing duties. First thing’s first, though, impressions.

I’m not sure who at HP decided that it would be a good idea to build a laptop out of Teflon and finger prints, but that’s exactly what they did with the TouchPad.  It’s back is covered in some super high glossy finish that has almost had me drop it multiple times.  A case is on its way, it cannot get here soon enough.

One of the many ways that HP screwed Palm (including doggie style and reverse cowgirl, natch) is that they promised that the wouldn’t ship the TouchPad until it was ready.  They shipped it about two months before the  ready for primetime OS  was ready, then killed it 48 days later.  Which is to say, the first thing any TouchPad owner should do is go and update the OS, the new version is by all accounts more stable and responsive than the shipping version.  I wouldn’t know, I only used the default OS to upgrade to the new one.

Once I got that done I started with the process of trying to do some basic things with the touch pad like syncing my phone and MP3 player.

Wait, you can’t do that?

At all?

Well. Crap.

I’ll translate the below statement found on Engadget, “Dear Steve Jobs, go fuck yourself.”

Apple’s attempt to draw RIM into Apple’s self-made debacle is unacceptable. Apple’s claims about RIM products appear to be deliberate attempts to distort the public’s understanding of an antenna design issue and to deflect attention from Apple’s difficult situation. RIM is a global leader in antenna design and has been successfully designing industry-leading wireless data products with efficient and effective radio performance for over 20 years. During that time, RIM has avoided designs like the one Apple used in the iPhone 4 and instead has used innovative designs which reduce the risk for dropped calls, especially in areas of lower coverage. One thing is for certain, RIM’s customers don’t need to use a case for their BlackBerry smartphone to maintain proper connectivity. Apple clearly made certain design decisions and it should take responsibility for these decisions rather than trying to draw RIM and others into a situation that relates specifically to Apple.

So, yesterday Steve Jobs had a press release which he screamed “other people’s phones do this too!!!! There is no problem!!!!! THERE IS NO PROBLEM!!!!!! Here’s the fix to the problem…which does not actually exist

I’m not sure when Steve Jobs became the giant head on the screen in the 1984 commercial, but he pretty much officially is.

But I get ahead of myself.

Apple released a phone with two exposed antennae.  This, in itself is not a bad thing.  Exposed antennae are better than the internal ones.  You get better reception out of them.  Of course, since the human body has capacitive/resistive/conductive properties of its own, you tend not to put antennas where people can touch them.  Unless you’re Apple, then you just put them where they look best, which in this case was where most normal people (and all left handed people) would hold the phone.

This is because, despite Steve Jobs’ line  Apple is not an engineering company, it’s a design company.

No, Google is an engineering company, you can tell this because all of their products look like ass and they never leave beta.  Apple’s biggest asset is that it stuff looks really, really good and their products almost always leave the nest half cooked (who needs MMS? It’s not like you’re going to want to sharepictures you took with your phone camera!)

And that was the problem with the iPhone 4, not that the human body’s capacitance would attenuate the phone signal.  Yes, I can replicate the problem on my phone (an AT&T Tilt 2/HTC Touch Pro 2).  The problem is that in making the phone look good Apple put the antennae in a place where the problem would almost *have* to happen (again, while I can replicate the problem on my phone, it requires holding the phone at the top in an eagle claw type way that no sane person would ever do because it’s both uncomfortable and impractical). This is simple physics and no antenna engineer wouldn’t have raised an alarm at this.

Worse is that it took loads of public shaming to get Apple to release a limited mea culpa  for an issue that Jobs admitted that they knew was an issue before the phone was even shipped.  Their previous fixes of “don’t hold it like that” and “give us $30 for a bumper” displayed a hubris, a sheer douchebaggiosity that even Apple fanboys and fangirls found distasteful.

So, does this mean that the famed Reality Distortion Field is shrinking?  Possibly, but probably not.  If there’s one thing Apple fans have proven is their ability to take anal rape with a smile.  Thing is, most iPhone owners aren’t hardcore Apple fans, those are the people that Apple has to learn how to deal with.  Will they?  We’ll see.