Mystic Negro dot Com

The fun thing about having a personal blog (or hell, just keeping up a site all by yourself) is that every so often you just have nothing to say.  Which is why for the last few weeks this place has pretty much just been titties.  I mean, it’s not like I didn’t have thoughts of things to say, I had plenty of thoughts (as you’ll see in about three sentences) but between my crippling Cracked addiction (which I blame 100% on Darren Hough) and the fact that my life is both boring, and none of your damned business, I couldn’t be bothered to put pen to paper finger to keyboard.  Below are some of the things that you didn’t get to read about over the last couple of weeks:

• Help Us Devon Smillie, You’re Our Only Hope…
  No BMXer has managed to successfully break out of Atlanta.  I mean, for about 30 seconds 18 months ago Talem did it, but it didn’t stick.  Trey Jones shows up (or showed up) around here relatively often but he is, in fact, not even from Georgia.  Hell, an argument can be made that for about 17 hours in 2008 I was the most famous BMXer in Georgia, and everyone knows I barely ride.  So, it all rests on Devon’s tiny, birdlike shoulders (and his wrarms, we can’t forget the wrarms) to bring Atlanta into the spotlight…
• BMW Officially Cancels the 5 Series Wagon in the US, Gives Us the Ugliest Vehicle Ever Made in its Place
  This would have been another post about the 5 Series GT, which is how they blaspheme in Bavaria
• The iPhone/Pod/Pad App Store Sucks – Tech Press Performs Ritual Mock Indignation
  Maybe they really are indignant about the fact that Apple’s arbitrary app store rules cause items to be blocked and/or removed for offenses that are never fully explained, are completely arbitrary and completely contradictory with themselves.  Maybe if every other article about Apple in the tech press didn’t read like it was written by someone kneeling, mouth agape in front of Steve Jobs proclaiming their willingness to swallow or take it to the face, maybe then I would take the indignation seriously.  I don’t.
• The iPad, Seriously
  On the low end it costs more, but does less than a netbook.  In order to make it actually useful you have to spend more than a mid-high end laptop and after that, it still doesn’t print.
• Specialized Exits BMX Market and Enters Mountain Bike Market…With BMX Bikes
  Yeah, just read it yourself, this is pretty dumb, but the bike looks nice.
• Mars Needs Women and Rob Zombie Needs to Stop
  An argument can be made that outside The Godfather Pt. 2, The Empire Strikes Back and maybe a handful of other movies that no sequel has ever been as good as its predecessor.  So, I hoped against hope that Hellbilly Delux 2 wouldn’t suck. Unfortunately instead of hearing the evil returning as promised I got a good song (“Sick Bubblegum”) and an entire album of horror movie references over glam rock grooves.  Excuse me, WTF?
  I thoroughly believe that drum and guitar solos only exist live so that the rest of the band can go back stage and hit a bong, so why in the name of the Appice Brothers…why in the name of Carmine’s mighty mustache:
  

  Don't Hate, For it is Mighty

  would you put an eight minute drum solo on an album?  Hellbilly Delux 2 is like if George Lucas woke up and decided to make a movie about trade negotiations and a whiny prepubescent and call it “Star Wars,” fortunately Lucas has better sense than to unleash some boring shit like that on the world.  Rob Zombie, take heed.

As you can see, nothing to see here.  Hopefully I’ll get back on the ball this week.