Mystic Negro dot Com

I spent part of the weekend dealing with a dog with explosive diarrhea and part of it filming/reviewing clips for the Steven Nowak 39th Birthday Riding Film Extravaganza (and Ice Cream Parlor). It occurs to me that actually writing about the process behind the SN39thBRFE (and Irrational Hatred of Green Vegetables) makes it seem like this is some serious thing with a lot of thought and planning put into it.

Let me assure you, it is not.

This will be another of a bajillion poorly conceived and edited web videos which will be seen by ones of people all over my house. However, I am full of neurosis and also the owner of one of the best domain names on the planet so, since I’ve been told by people who are both pro and against my new titties on Monday format that I should write more and writing about the creative process seems to be more interesting than telling you about the joys of my super exciting job of sitting in front of a computer, FTP’ing things all day and troubleshooting config files.

Also, seriously, I over think stuff. Which brings us back to the Steven Nowak 39th Birthday Riding Film Extravaganza (and Steve, Seriously, You Should Come With Us to Masago Steakhouse and Thai. A Guy With This Body Knows Food). I’ve been reviewing clips trying to find some narrative thread, where there is none.

——-SNIP——-

So, I wrote that a few months ago, shortly afterwards (like the next day) Mojo died and I kind of lost the plot on the whole Steve Nowak 39th Birthday Video Extravaganza (And Mandy, Don’t Let Indy Ride His Bike in Sandles).  But after some time spent feeling like ass, and then some time spent at work trying to launch a brand new website featuring technology none of us had used before and then some time on vacation after doing that I’m back, and I may have found a song.

So, over a decade ago Bill Gates refused to have a PDA, which Microsoft produced, because he claimed that tablets were the future and he wanted to dedicated MS to figuring out the tablet paradigm a year or so ago Steve Jobs invented the tablet out of whole cloth, creating something that no one had ever seen or thought of before, as is his way.  Steve proclaimed that tablets will replace the traditional laptops the way that cars replaced trucks.  Back in the day, you see, you used to see a lot of trucks but now you don’t see so many (This is, of course, pure, unfettered bullshit, the Ford F-Series has been the most popular passenger vehicle in America your entire life, selling 528,349 copies in 2010 an increase of 27.7% from ’09 the best selling car, the Toyota Camry, sold 327,804 copies a loss of 8.1% from the previous year which puts it in the number three vehicle spot.  The number two vehicle was the Chevy Silverado at 370,135 vehicles, an increase of 16.9%, which apparently outsold the F-Series when you lump together all of its platform mates.) Being charmed by Jobs’ earnest and truthful analysis of world events I ran out and bought an iPad.

I could barely finish writing that sentence.

Actually, I grabbed a Nook Color and rooted it and had a fine old time until I found out that Cyanogenmod doesn’t support the default Nook Reader program and you have to use the good, but not as good Nook Android app, so my rooted Nook is kind of stuck in rooted nook limbo for the time being.  HOWEVER, in what has got to be the greatest act of prostitution ever, HP spent almost two billion dollars for Palm and then screwed them vigorously.  So, I ended up with one of these for $150 + shipping.

My Expensive Ass Cheap Tablet

Well, now that I have a relatively powerful tablet, with a relatively robust (and much cleaner) OS I guess the thing to do now is to see if I can actually use it to replace my laptop (which I will refer to as “The Beast” as it weighs in at 1.5 metric tonnes of high end gaming goodness) for all but serious photo and video editing duties. First thing’s first, though, impressions.

I’m not sure who at HP decided that it would be a good idea to build a laptop out of Teflon and finger prints, but that’s exactly what they did with the TouchPad.  It’s back is covered in some super high glossy finish that has almost had me drop it multiple times.  A case is on its way, it cannot get here soon enough.

One of the many ways that HP screwed Palm (including doggie style and reverse cowgirl, natch) is that they promised that the wouldn’t ship the TouchPad until it was ready.  They shipped it about two months before the  ready for primetime OS  was ready, then killed it 48 days later.  Which is to say, the first thing any TouchPad owner should do is go and update the OS, the new version is by all accounts more stable and responsive than the shipping version.  I wouldn’t know, I only used the default OS to upgrade to the new one.

Once I got that done I started with the process of trying to do some basic things with the touch pad like syncing my phone and MP3 player.

Wait, you can’t do that?

At all?

Well. Crap.

I’m not even a little Japanese.  But I find myself full of racial indignation from this.

Seriously.

SERIOUSLY?

Shared because misery loves company.

I’ve been in a creative slump for a while now, one that only got worse when Mojo died.  Frankly for the last month I’ve barely had any desire to do much of anything.  I think it’s obvious in the fact that my website is pretty much just a place where you can go see women in bikinis on Monday (interesting tidbit: my traffic appears to be the same as when I was expending effort to created new content).  In an attempt to pull my head out of my proverbial tuchis I’ve been paying attention to people who do things that I admire.

Like this guy. Roger Lima is a sound designer/composer/one man band who has a handful of YouTube videos that, I think, gives hope to bedroom musicians everywhere. Here he plays a bicycle.

Henry Rollins said, “I like the government, they protect me from the free market.”  Sadly, nothing can protect us from people going to see Michael Bay movies.  Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon pulled in 398 million dollars worldwide over the (in America long) weekend.  Which is bad.  Michael Bay has proven that he doesn’t care about plot, acting, story, narrative arcs or pretty much anything besides ass shots and explosions.

With those two pictures you’ve now seen every movie that Michael Bay is capable of making.

But he will make more.  Despite being universally reviled, Transformers 3 managed to rake in almost half a billion dollars this weekend.  There will be a fourth movie and it will be terrible.

I think Judgement Day DID happen on May 21st and we’re in the “Hell on Earth” portion of the post judgement.

I once pointed out how these were the same song to a buddy of mine and he hated me for weeks.  “Hated” may be a strong word, but he was not pleased.